Tag: Kevin Youkilis

Let’s Make Some Predictions


In Vegas they make predictions all the time. The goal of Vegas predictions (especially with football lines) is to guess the exact difference in score so that everybody loses their money. Or put the odds in that place where people are willing to fork over their dough in hopes of increased cash flow, but not too high as to cause bankruptcy if you have to pay out.

This is where I got all my predictionsThe World Series is full of predictions and betting. I could predict the Rockies sweeping the Sox and with The Greek having that at 25:1, I could put down $100 and walk away with $2500. But since I think that the Sox will win in 6 (agreeing with Vegas, disagreeing with Serpico who thinks the Sox sweep) it would be me putting down $100 and walking away with $0.

I wondered if any of the Nerds on Sports predictions could lead to some good betting lines, so I asked the team to break out their crystal balls and let me know what they saw. As it turns out we have some active crystal balls. Here are the NoS Predictions:

On Field antics:

  • David Ortiz makes a diving catch at first.
  • Kaz Matsui goes 0 for the entire world series (I know, not a stretch).
  • Troy Tolowiski smokes some weed (look at the picture:
    http://colorado.rockies.mlb.com/images/players/mugshot/ph_453064.jpg )
    with Manny.
  • Eric Gagne pitches a scoreless seventh inning. In a PawSox uniform. In 2009.
  • Pappelbon wears his goggles while pitching.
  • It will snow during the games… while in Boston. Read More

Homer’s Youkissey Continued

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HomerThis is a continuation of Homer’s Youkissey

[44]Then the oft overlooked Mets replied “Father of all baseball, resident of New York, highest of all baseball teams, aye, verily that Red Sox lies low in a destruction that is their due; so too may any other also be destroyed who also be cursed (like the Cubs). But my heart is torn for wise Youkilis, hapless man, who far from his friends has long been suffering woes in a Rhode isle, where is the navel of Narragansett. It is a state of smallest representation*, and therein dwells a AAA team, daughter of the International League, who was born of 3 leagues — Eastern, New York, and Ontario, and holds tall the Governors’ Cup.

[55]This daughter it is that keeps back the sorrowing man; and ever with soft and hope-filled words she beguiles him that he may forget the majors. But Youkilis, after visiting the majors but sent back, yearns to return to his home, wants to quit baseball**. Yet you baseball teams take no heed of this. Did not Youkilis when in his debut hit a home run. Why then didst thou conceive such wrath against him, O lords of baseball?

[63]Then Selig, lap-dog of all owners, answered them: “My child, what a word has escaped the barrier of they teeth? How should I, then forget “god of walks”-like Youkilis, who is beyond all minor league mortals in consecutive games in which a player reached base, and has paid sacrifice to our Jewish god in Heaven? Nay, it is Bill Mueller, 2003 AL batting champion, who is blocking his advancement to the Bigs. Mueller, the double-grand slammer***, does not keep Youkilis in the minors forever. But come, let us who are here all take though of his return to the majors, that he may come home; and Mueller will retire, for he is on in age, and can not contend with youth.”

[80]Then the oft overlooked Mets answered him: “Father of all baseball, resident of New York, highest of all baseball teams, if indeed this is now well pleasing to the baseball gods, that wise Youkilis should return to the majors, let us send forth Joe Bick, the agent, his agent, to the isle Rhode, that with all speed he may sign a major league contract and the return of Youkilis of the steadfast eye, that he may come home. But, as for me, I will go to Queens, that I may the more entice Pedro Martinez, and free up some salary room for the Red Sox. I will guide him to New York, where he will receive tidings of his father****, if haply he may hear of it.”

*2 Congressmen & 2 Senators
**Probably not true
***I hope you remember that: from both sides of the plate.
****”Who’s your daddy?

Homer’s Youkissey

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Kevin Youkilis with a SwordNot to be outdone by Peiseresque‘s Epic of Gil (ga) Meche, I have started my own crazy epic poem: The Youkisy. This is both a response to Peiseresque and a submission of sorts to Red Sox Chick’s contest.

Homer’s Youkisey

[1]Tell me, O Selig, of the man of many devices, who wandered full many ways after he had sacked the sacred citadel of Lowell. Many were the men whose cities he saw and whose mind he learned, aye, and many the woes he suffered in his heart upon the majors, seeking to win his own life and the New York-Penn League Crown of his comrades. Yet even so he saved not his comrades, though he desired it sore, for through their own blind folly they perished–fools, who devoured the kine of New York Yankees; but he took from them a many of skills. Of these things, god, daughter of Marie Huber Selig, beginning where thou wilt, tell thou even unto us. Read More

Gameday Report: May 13, 2007/May 29, 2007


A month ago today, fellow blog conspirator Willis invited me to the Mother’s Day game at Fenway Park. I gladly accepted; in addition to the opportunity to watching the Sox play, I would get to watch players use pink bats and start rumors that those who used the regular bats were in favor of spreading cancer.


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Manny being Merlot


When I first heard about Red Sox wines, I thought it must clearly be a joke of some kind. April Fool’s Day isn’t too far gone, after all, and wine and baseball are not two things I usually associate with each other. But a quick look at the site reveals that the wines – “Manny Being Merlot” included – are all being sold to benefit Red Sox ballplayers’ favorite charities. CaberKnucle

There are obviously a lot of jokes that come to mind, the first of which being that it must take a special, one-of-a-kind, flown-in-from-San-Diego sommelier to uncork the CaberKnuckle, lest the cork goes bouncing all over, and the bottle passes through his/her hands and goes flying, and it decreases the wine’s intended value. Mostly, though, I am thinking up of ways to expand their brand; there are a lot of good combinations out there. Read More