So here’s the deal. Mark Teixiera is off to the Angels, now giving me October off. The ghost of Pudge Rodriguez is now haunting the Yankee clubhouse, and when he leaves, New York will get better draft picks than they would have got for the shitty guy they ditched. Hell, even LaTroy Hawkins is going to Houston, just in time for 1999 throwback month! (The Astrodome is being renovated.)

Now, what of Manuel Ramirez? The slugger is still here as of this wri—-wait!—–no, he’s still here. So, here’s the best possible deal I could come up with for MbM, knowing that he’s on his way out because he pouts every once in a while.

Manny Ramirez, straight up, to Toronto, for David Eckstein.

First, saves money. Gas ain’t cheap.

Second, how about hustle? Manny refuses to run out his hits off the Green Monster, turning doubles into singles. David Eckstein legs out each and every ground ball back to the pitcher’s mound; once a season, the pitcher throws it into the dugout!

Third, consistency. Manny has a .483 OBP in all of July, sure, great. Well sometimes he doesn’t even show up for work! How can you get on base when you can’t even get on…ballpark? David Eckstein, for his part, has had a .483 OBP combined the last two seasons, which is the kind of everyday work you can hang your hat on. And, could David reach the hat rack, he sure would!

Finally, off-field incidents. Manny Ramirez shoves over anyone and anything that gets in his way: traveling secretaries, other players, that complex revolving door. But David Eckstein, model citizen, is physically incapable of pushing over another human being. Take one for the team!

Your move, Blue Jays. Of course, Manny would have to adjust to the strange foreign languages in Toronto…

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