Tag: Baseball

The Roaming Nerd — Camden Yards

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The Baltimore OrioleThis past week the day job had me travel down to D.C. to meet with a client. Well, our team of 4 decided (after a long day of work that had started at 4am by waking up to catch a flight) to squeeze into a Honda Civic driven by someone’s cousin for the hour drive to Baltimore to catch the Orioles v. Tigers game. At the time I didn’t know if this was a very intelligent idea, but the only ballpark I had ever been to was Fenway and it’s high time I start exploring.

We arrived just in time to see former ESPN personality Roy Firestone sing the national anthem. At this point I started compiling the ways Camden is better an Fenway. So far: cheaper seats, cheap and available parking, fireworks during the national anthem (rockets red glare and bombs bursting in air) and space to walk around. We then decided on what to eat. Even though Boog’s was right there and recommended, we weren’t in the mood for BBQ. We went with spicy cheese dogs and beer — perfect baseball food.

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Pete Orr – Your Next American Canadian Idol

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Pete OrrOn Saturday I was able to catch the Mets v. Braves game on The Braves Station (from heretofore know as TBS). Well TBS decided to place a microphone on a certain Braves player: Peterson Thomas “Pete” Orr. Well, Pete decided to talk, sing, make sound effects and other wacky things that TBS could use in montage form. (We all know that a montage is the sincerest form of flattery.) And montage they did!

One thing Pete said in the montage was that “it’s so cold, even the players from the cold are cold.” He should know, seeing as he’s from the frozen North: Canada. A CanadianOrr was also singing along when the stadium sound system was playing My Girl, but using his own words: “I guess [Craig] Wilson says ‘I get weirder every day.'” What TBS didn’t show us was the whole song. Well, I called some of my connections, made some deals, and got the full transcript of the entire song. I hope you like it. Read More

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38 Pitches in a Win

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First week of baseball is officially over. Schilling picked up his first win, which was a nice change over the terrible outing on opening day. I’m sure soon enough Curt will have his analysis over at his blog, 38 pitches. Not that I think Schilling’s ego needs to be stroked any, but I find the fact that he does painstaking analysis of his own games to be quite amazing.

Don’t have a lot of anything else to say at the moment. I could complain about my fantasy baseball team (starting the season in 15th, yay!), but truthfully, nobody actually cares about that sort of thing. Only other people in your league do, in a schadenfreude sort of way.

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Manny being Merlot

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When I first heard about Red Sox wines, I thought it must clearly be a joke of some kind. April Fool’s Day isn’t too far gone, after all, and wine and baseball are not two things I usually associate with each other. But a quick look at the site reveals that the wines – “Manny Being Merlot” included – are all being sold to benefit Red Sox ballplayers’ favorite charities. CaberKnucle

There are obviously a lot of jokes that come to mind, the first of which being that it must take a special, one-of-a-kind, flown-in-from-San-Diego sommelier to uncork the CaberKnuckle, lest the cork goes bouncing all over, and the bottle passes through his/her hands and goes flying, and it decreases the wine’s intended value. Mostly, though, I am thinking up of ways to expand their brand; there are a lot of good combinations out there. Read More

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Minor Leage Baseball: All-Name Team

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So the All-Name team is usually left to Mr. “I Nickname All My Fantasy Players” Serpico, but with the recent Minors Moniker Madness I decided it was time to try my hand. Plus, Serp’s more of a football name guy.Will Startup

I first started with Houston Summers (who won the Moniker Madness) as my catcher (and probably team captain — a la Varitek). I mean, there is no way I could really leave the Moniker Madness winner off the team. Also, I could hardly forget second place, Will Startup, as the All-Name pitching ace. And to round out the “Contest Winners” crowd, I had to put my pick for overall best name, Jorge Poo Tang, on the roster as my right fielder and clean-up batter.

At this point in team creation I think I made my first rookie mistake: Read More

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The Epic of Gil (Ga) Meche: Prologue or The Rime of The Former Mariner

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A recent architectural expeditionStatue to the famed “Cool Crest Putting Diamond” of Kauffman Stadium (“right next to the Little K in right field”) discovered a little copper box containing a forgotten epic. Carbon dating revealed it to be “hella old,” but this assessment was quickly cast into doubt, as the “scientist” in charge of this research was revealed to be a fourteen-year -old hot dog seller.

What follows is a painstaking translation of this important, if highly, highly, dubious document, broken into small installments for accessibility and, well, it’s really long. Check back each Tuesday as Nerds on Sports brings you additional pieces of this most important scholarship.

THE EPIC OF GIL MECHE

He who has seen everything, I will make known to the lands.
I will teach about him who experienced all things…
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Happy Baseball Day!

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Ah, opening day. For the majority of baseball teams (except for the Cardinals, the Giants, the Mets and the Padres), today was the first official game of the season. In some circles, this is an official holiday, celebrated by calling in to work “sick,” sneaking off to the ballpark and enjoying a cold one as the first pitch is thrown out. Alas, I could not enjoy such festivities, but perhaps it’s for the best. I would not be thrilled to use up my vacation days and weaken my anemic travel budget just to travel to Kauffman Stadium and watch the Red Sox lose to the fucking Royals. Schilling got out-duelled by Gil Meche, whose ERA over the past three years averages to 4.834, and gave up 8 hits and 5 runs in only 4 innings. An inauspicious start, but remember: in 2004 the Sox lost their first game of the season – also away – 7-2 to the Orioles and Sidney Ponson.

Of course, the first game of the MLB actually happened yesterday, with Tom Glavine and the Mets being victorious over the Cardinals and Chris Carpenter. Having Carpenter on my team, I was grumpy to no end, muttering the words “fire sale” in reference to my roster. Then, while driving my way home, one of my windshield wipers broke. Perhaps it’s an omen, or some metaphor for and unclear perspective or lack of vision. I ended up replacing both my wiper blades today; the result: my team did okay, and one of my opponents this week did terribly. The moral of the story is: get your car’s maintenance checked regularly.

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O Captain, My Captain

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Badass

Jason Varitek might be first in my heart, but he’s coming off an awful spring training. He batted a whopping .103 while in Florida, which included an 0-17 streak. One mustn’t extrapolate too much from this. He did, after all, hit as many home runs while there as Albert Pujols. But the next few months will be the test as to whether his work with batting coach Dave Magadan has done anything to halt the precipitous drop in power and offense he had last year.

But don’t worry. I still love you, JV. Read More

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