Apparently, King Felix has a new pitching coach: the internet. I declare this awesome and think that it opens new doors for baseball and sports in general. If a blogger can say “he needs to vary his pitch selection” and said Felix a) varies his pitch selection AND b) credits the blogger for the idea, two truths emerge:

1. That guy’s ego is gonna go boom.

2. The leadership vacuum in Seattle is having some fucked up consequences. Hire Wally Backman.*

If bloggers are the new dictators of baseball policies, I’d like to make one subtle suggestion. Bruce Bochy, if you’re reading this, SIT BONDS. SIT HIM. DO NOT LET HIM PLAY ANYMORE. HE IS A FILTHY CHEATER. Or, in the alternative, BARRY, RETIRE TODAY AND HELP US ALL ESCAPE FROM THIS ASTERISK-FUELED MEDIA SHITSTORM. That is all.

*- I fucking mean it.

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  • Timlin, if you’re reading this, STOP WALKING THE BASES LOADED. Even if you think you’re going to draw a weaker hitter. The percentage ISN’T THERE. I have charts to prove it. And graphs.

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