Part of the fun of blogging is opening your material up to the world and seeing what the world makes of it. Actually, I suppose that’s all the fun of blogging, unless you’re in that .0001% who are making money off this type of thing. So, like pretty much any editor of any neophyte blog, I get somewhat excited when e-mail from complete strangers arrives in our inbox. The other day, we got a message from a major media outlet, KTVT in Dallas:Mailbag

Saw that you picked up the story of our interview with Tom Hicks where he talked
about Juando and steroids. If you want to see that part of the original
interview, it’s online at http://cbs11tv.com/video/?id=19196@ktvt.dayport.com .

Ok, so I suppose that’s not that exciting; he’s just monitoring incoming links. But then this comes in, and this is what makes internet life worth living:

(oh, come on, you know you have to click through.)

Hi, there,

I represent Men’s Fitness magazine, the August issue hits newsstands
this Friday, June 29th. This issue is filled with tons of great
stories, including an exclusive interview. Could you please send me the
contact number/email of the most appropriate person?

I can be reached via email at [email redacted] or at
212.[red.acted].

Thanks! I really appreciate it! I have a ton of info to send your way
that would fit in perfectly with the content on your blog!

Best,
Lisa

First of all, I take some bit of umbrage with anyone whose job description is, essentially, “communicating” who treats proper punctuation and coherent sentence structure like Bill Laimbeer treats opponents’ noses. (NB: Blogging is not my job. I’ll screw with language if I want.) Not that this is a terrible e-mail, but still. You’re reaching out to strangers. At a blog. Who will probably publish it on their blog, if they’re out of ideas for posts at the moment. Like I am.
Second, exclusive interview with WHOM? Pretty important detail, I’d say. If they’re interviewing Charles de Gaulle from beyond the grave, yeah, I’d be interested in hooking up. If it’s Rodney Yee talking about his creepy yogi sex life, then I’ll pass. And given the client, I’d venture that the latter is 100,000 times more likely.

Third and finally, info that would fit in perfectly? Unless Men’s Fitness is suddenly about power-dice-rolling and chugging various high-caffeine sodas… wow, lady, are you barking up the wrong tree.

Those are my thoughts. Here is my response:

Dear Lisa,

Thank you for your inquiry regarding our website, NerdsOnSports.com. We would be happy to review any material you wish to send regarding Men’s Fitness magazine. I once read Men’s Fitness while on a layover at Chicago-O’Hare International Airport, and I found some of the advertisements quite compelling. And the eating disorder I developed upon seeing the models helped me to lose seven pounds in one week!

As you may have gathered from our domain name, in accordance with our mission statement (“Sic Ut Libris Manchego”) we and our fanbase- literally, digits of readers- are “nerds” who are concerned, however marginally, with “sports.” As most of us have spent the better part of two to three decades with one hand on the joystick and the other in the Cheetos, the state of fitness in the Nerd community is, in a word, “sad.” Another word that might be appropriate is “sweaty.” Possibly “lonely.” So we look to your offer to work with you and Men’s Fitness as a way to provide a valuable public service. Along these same lines, we are looking to partner with high-end retail chain The Art of Shaving on a NerdsOnSports branded line of under-jowl depilatory devices. They have yet to return my calls, but I think that is most likely due to the fact that I have been using my “Optimus Prime” voice-changing mask when leaving messages. (I am very insecure on the telephone.) So you see, we are neither strangers to nor afraid of synergistic corporate opportunities.

Cicero once said, “To see God in the face of another is to see the self.” No, not the Roman guy, but my friend Dave Cicero. I don’t think he knew what he was talking about. But surely, this is applicable to Men, Fitness, and magazines in every meaningful way.

Our advertising rates are currently quite competitive. Since my earliest days in Mrs. Meyers’ social studies class, I have been a fan of the age-old “barter system.” While it may currently be in vogue to accept such fancy payment methods as Visa or PayPal, I prefer the tactile joy of fabric swatches and paving tar. And once the revolution comes, as it inevitably must, we will all need to adapt anyway and re-learn the basic valuation techniques required for in-kind transactions. So let’s get a leg up! Should you wish to pursue any advertising opportunities with us on behalf of your clients, I will provide details of a convenient meeting place and preference in root vegetable.

Love and kisses,
J.P.
Co-Founder and Editor
NerdsOnSports.com

If “Lisa” is reading, I really would like more information about “Men’s Fitness” magazine. Oh, sorry, I meant “Electronic Gaming Monthly.” I like that magazine.

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  • RJ

    To be fair, I used to have a subscription to Men’s Health. I read it for the articles.

  • Hawver

    This is brilliant.

  • Oh no. I think you scared Lisa away and to Ladies… because they have a Men’s Health article today. And the secret interview is Brady Quinn Having sex with someone new (every night)!

    Oh wait, this is Men’s Fitness… The classy mag.

  • Wait, hold up: people read this site?

  • Serpico

    You have a gift, man.

  • It’s well into the workday and she has not responded. I’d be sad if not for the fact that I was expecting this: (gchat excerpt)
    me: think she’ll write back?
    rj: to that?

  • dave

    You are sure they were not trying to do a feature on you guys? As a PR guy, I hate to see bridges burned like that. As a reader, your response made me chuckle.

  • RJ

    Well, if she were, I would like to think she would’ve said, “We want to do a feature” instead of “I have a ton of info to send your way.”

  • We don’t want publicity, ma-a-an.

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