Dear Barry Bonds, The Truth is Coming

1 Comment

So, if you haven’t noticed by now, I am scheduled to post on Wednesdays. Of course, I usually put off the bulk of the writing until I get home from work on Wednesday so the article doesn’t get posted until midnight. But even then I still feel I meet my self-imposed deadline. This week was no different, I started doing some research for my article after work yesterday (Wednesday). Little Barry Bonds and Big Barry BondsMy goal was to compare the 2007 Gold Glove winners to other players using different defensive metrics, to see how sometimes a great player gets screwed. It was a pain in the ass to get this data. Baseball Prospectus didn’t really have a good report for FRAA, fielding percentage, and other fun fielding stats. So, I asked my good buddy Google for some help. Lo and behold, someone else wrote my article for me. Go read that fucker’s blog.

Well, I gave up and went to bed. Hoping that I could come up with something else for today. Thankfully, the United States attorney’s office for the Northern District of California made my choice for a story easy. Mr. Barry* Bonds* has been indicted on charges of perjury and obstruction of justice. And if Scott Boras had his way, he’s also be charged with taking the baseball sportlight away from A-Rod/Yankees soap opera. Now the guy who thinks he’s going to be rich with the Barry* Bonds* last home run ball, has what is equivalent to junk bonds. (you see what I did there? Barry Bonds != Financial Bonds)

Barry Bonds and Balco (Atreyu and Falcor)This case is going to talk about Barry’s* relations with BALCO (Bay Area Laboratory Co-Operative), who have been known to give out the delicious steroids. I am going to continue to think that Balco is the luck dragon from The NeverEnding Story. Which works in my imagination because a giant pink flying dog is probably an escapee from the Mike Vick steroid-filled school of dog breeding & fighting. And that Dog is a perfect choice to hang out with Barry: Barry is the loner weird kid with the just barely understandable high pitched voice just like Atreyu. I wonder what compares to losing a horse in the swamp for Barry?

I’d love to actually give you some kind of legal advices but I don’t know much. Also I’m a software engineer not a Lawyer like 2 of the NoS part-timers. Perhaps they can answer some exciting law questions.

*Of note, I’m a filthy thief, and I stole the lovely Skinny Barry / Fat Barry picture from the BabesLoveBaseball.