Jonathan Lee Riches is my new hero. Oh, wait, sorry, I meant Jonathan Lee Riches©. Nothing warms my heart like a seriously disturbed pro se litigant suing a dog-fighting, herpes-passing, ganja-toting NFL player in federal court.

He’s done what none of us non-Federal-inmates have had the stones to do, and sued Michael Vick. The allegations seem to ‘focus’ -if that word is even close to appropriate- on Vick’s penchant for stealing this guy’s dogs and “using his copyrights.” This last the nefarious Vick accomplished by “selling T-shirts, Jonathan Lee Riches mugs.” Funny, I didn’t know Vick used another alias.  Mr Riches© seeks 63 BILLION dollars in damages.  I mean, the poor QB’s already got PETA, the FBI, the IRS, the NFL, and I think Baskin-Robbins gunning for him; does he need to get hit with a crazy suit right now?  (Yes, of course it will be tossed from court; Michael Vick is not a federal agent open to a Bivens action… at least, I don’t think he is.)

Nutty lawsuits, even those handwritten from prison but dressed in the expected formalities, are nothing new. But there’s something special about this guy; this isn’t the first time he’s done this.  Jonathan Lee Riches is the Mozart of deranged lawsuits. There’s Riches v. Bush et al., a suit filed last year in the Eastern District of Pennsylvania which named Chris Berman, Green Bay’s Lambeau Field, the Ming Dynasty, eBay, and the Statue of Liberty as defendants. Also Malcom X, Vanna White, and Michelangelo. And Waffle House. Also the Hubble Telescope, Expedia, and Emeka Okafor.  Depositions must have been a gas- gotta feel for the paralegal who was dispatched to find Jimmy Hoffa.

I can’t say he’s entirely in the wrong. He did sue the drafters of the Uniform Commercial Code.  Can’t wait to see what he does next.

Share →
  • angryed

    can’t they slap some injunction against frivolous lawsuits on anyone who is, well, umm… nuts?

  • No, the system mandates justice “for all.” No matter how absofuckinglutely out their tree they might be.

  • On another pass through that defendant list, he sued Dostoyevsky and “WKRP in Cincinatti.”

    I’m ridiculously glad to be alive right now.

    ….and Yao! And the Leaning Tower of Pisa!

    If anyone can get me this complaint, I will be stupid grateful!

%d bloggers like this: