…would be Corey C. Hart, possible outfielder for the Milwaukee Brewers and probable disguise of the most phenomenal 80’s sunglass wearer ever. The fact that this guy is involved in about half the trades in our league each year (there are not a lot of trades) makes me smile on a semi-monthly basis.

But a close second would be expending a measly 22nd round pick for a violent sociopath who happens to swing a mean bat. Travis Lee decided to hang up his squiggly hat, and Nick Johnson (oh, wait, wrong one– try this link)isn’t gonna be back for a while… so, Nationals fans, guess who’s your opening day first baseman? Yep, it’s the career leader in domestic violence warrants, Dmitri Young!

At the end of last season, it looked like the end of the road for the increasingly unhinged Dmitri. But now that lil’ brudder Delmon’s in the majors, Dmitri’s got a reason to persevere. He’s a driver, he’s a winner, things are gonna change he can feel it, and I am going to run right the hell away with the fantasy crown this year on those supple, cornrowed shoulders.

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  • I know you’re trying to talk up Corey Hart so you can then pimp him out for a trade. Well:

    While Jim’s deceiving me
    It cuts my security
    Has he got control of me
    I turn to him and say:

    I Don’t make the trade
    On the guy in shades, oh-no
    He’s destined to fade
    if I make a trade, oh-no
    I can’t believe it
    he won’t get played:
    oh, the guy in shades, oh-no

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