Success Isn’t Blessed In The BCS Mess


Crystal Footballtrain wreck

First SoCal and Geaux Tigers had their toes in the door
Then Stanford shocked SoCal, the doormats no more!
So Just Cal moved to 2nd in all football land
(Thanks a ton, Cardinal, and again for the band!)

But Just Cal stumbled when Kevin Riley slipped
On a junior high brainfart when his legs took a trip
Now Just Cal is gone and what the hell? LSU?
Kentucky in three OTs leaves them feeling blue

By October 13th the teams are all dropping
For eight weeks they lose and now it ain’t stopping
So the pundits are quiet, for once they’ve stopped shrieking
And in the great silence, we hear a small squeaking

Apparently Florida has a team to the South South Florida
New to D-1, and recruits word of mouth!
They stomped their opponents to win six straight games
But then Rutgers stopped them for more of the same

And then Boston College went next to the slaughter
Serp the Perp Serpico took it like the loss of a daughter
Eight-and-oh? Way to go! Then came FSU
Who rode in and played like nineteen-ninety two

So now we’ve got SoCal and Just Cal gone down
LSU, nothing new, far too heavy a crown
Then BC and South Florida, that’s five we can see
(The top two is cursed, you’d better be three)

For once, some stability! Welcome the Buckeyes
Not as good as last year but the defense still tries
The new number one held the ranking four weeks
Then the Illini marched in and ended that streak

So then the next week LSU came back
Undefeated since Kentucky, and joined by some quacks
From the Oregon Ducks, the new second elect
A fate worse than red-shirted cadets on Star TrekRed Shirt

Oregon crowed high and mighty for all of four days
Then their QB ripped his knee in three separate ways
And in came the backup, and out they did go
(You know you’re in trouble when it’s Ryan Leaf’s bro.) Ryan Leaf

By then Oklahoma could have climbed towards the top
But the Texas Tech go routes forced the Sooners to stop
And in came the Jayhawks, with eleven straight wins
That’s just six more victories than Coach Mangino had chins

Can you guess what happened? Well, I’ll give you a hint.
Kansas stood idling while Mizzou ran some sprints
And four quarters later, they had no place but home
To return to; goodbye, Superdome!

Those darn Bayou Bengals we haven’t discussed much
Considering they’re #1 at this point and such
But Darren McFadden McStole the McShow
And McRan for three touchdowns and threw for one mo

Another three OTs, another steep cost
From drinking champagne to getting Arkansauced
And Les Miles awoke the next day in a stupor
To find Michigan fans needing someone to root fer

(If you think I took liberties with that stanza’s last rhyme
Please let me remind you at this point in time
That some poems take effort, and to shake off the rust
Is hard when eight friggin teams biting the dust.)
So when Saturday started, the teams were brand new
West Virginia at one and Missouri at two
And both teams had one task to reach the French Quarter
With OU to get dumped and Pitt to be slaughtered

But the Sooners must have obtained the Tigers’ number
And, in thumping Mizzou awoke from their slumber
Then Pitt climbed the mountain(eers) in the big Backyard Brawl
Morgantown wept: “Boy, don’t that beat all!”

So now we gotta find two more teams to subpoena
It’s all ready, the NCAA booked the arena
And on January 7th, the big game begins
The National Championship that no team will win

The teams that chose defeat instead of a winner:
LSU, So Cal, Just Cal, BC, West Virginia
Oregon, South Florida, Missou, Kansas, OSU
Hawaii won eleven but tonight they are screwed

A BCS playoff? That’s one in a million
As long as the networks keep counting their billions
So tomorrow who will earn the ultimate prize?
How about Georgia? Harvard? DeVry? Kennedy Touch Football

It really won’t matter, we’ll all scream and shout
Since that’s what the BCS is really about!
Forget the season’s wonder and grand shifts of power
The first week of December, each team can be sour

The pollsters and bowlsters now begin their grand huddle
To poke through the records and undo the muddle
So pick two random teams and wish them both luck
(At least we can agree that Notre Dame sucks.)