David Beckham Shoots (an invisible basketball)Have you ever heard of Soccer? Good, then you’ve probably also heard of David Beckham. If you haven’t, he is Victoria “Posh Spice” Beckham’s husband. Well, he is set to join the L.A. Galaxy of the MLS in the good ol’ US of A in August. (See this people — West Coast sports stuff! I may even mention the Ducks if they win one more game, but I doubt it) Beckham has gobs and gobs of money. He may even have a large vault filled with gold that he swims in.

He spent his money on advisers and research and he discovered that a move to Los Angeles would make him and his wife even richer. So he made a deal that would pay him a salary of about $9 million a year for 4 years. (About $2 million more than his European team was paying him, and they were being a bunch of little bitches in contract negotiations.) Also, being a major sports figure probably means we’ll be seeing him all over the TV telling us what to drink and wear.

Now, I don’t really know what to think of his joining the MLS. Is this good for a league that was built around being cheep? Will this help other teams sign some big named players? Will Joe Sports Fan watch soccer in the US? I hope the MLS is able to improve somewhat, maybe not to a Premier League, La Liga, or Serie A level, but to something a little under that (like a French or German league). I want to still be able to afford to go to games every once in a while, which means that players salaries can’t reach crazy MLB type levels. Basically, what I’m getting as is that I hope Beckham leads MLS in a good direction, which brings me to the reason I wrote this post.

I was just reading the blogo-icosahedron and saw a news story titled “Beckham fears he has made a huge mistake with Galaxy deal” and then I was all like “oh noes, what shall we ever does if no has Beckham.” Upon further reading of the article, Beckham’s fears don’t seem (to me anyway) all that related to a “huge mistake”. Here’s the one real quote they cite:

I hope playing in America for LA Galaxy will not have any adverse effect on my chances of playing for England

Now, here are my guesses as to what could cause Beckham to not be selected for the English team (in order from least likely to most likely):

  • United States is too far away from England.
  • He gets cast is 4 movies the day he moves to L.A. and quits soccer.
  • Britain disowns him. (and this should have probably come sooner seeing as there are rumors of him becoming Sir David Beckham.)
  • He gets injured playing on terrible racist anti-British American soil. (Yes, the dirt is anti-British.)
  • English coach turns his snobby British nose up at any and all thoughts of “soccer in the colonies,” and has tea and crumpets while calling people mudbloods.

I guess all those possibilities don’t seem very likely. It’s good that I took the time to write them out and settle my mind. Becks will probably be playing for both the Galaxy and England for the next 4 years even if some people (and British websites) can not conceive of this.

Now excuse me, I have to go buy some tickets.

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  • I think the most likely scenario is actually a hugely successful Spice Girls reunion whereafter Becks must leave the game to give his full focus to supporting Posh as a stay-at-home dad. Then, in a humorous twist, his crotchety uncle has to move in because he’s been booted from the retirement home! And he’s from Alabama and is totally a fish out of water in LA! And they talk about feelings and resolve things!

    Sit, Ubu, sit.

  • angryed

    there are people who know Posh Spice and not David Beckham?? The Spice Girls stopped existing in 1998, for Christ’s sake. Surely, she is riding his popularity, and spending his money…on everything but eating, judging from her bony ass (she is pretty scary looking in person, by the way- she should steal the moniker Scary Spice –from the one with the afro, i think)…

    Yes, there is animosity between some English and some Americans in futbol- the Glazer purchase of ManU sparked lots of anti-yank sentiment here.
    what can you do? just saying the word “soccer” here makes some English break into a rant against the US.

  • BedelBlitz

    I might be wrong, but I’m pretty sure Poshie has set-up a reality show which will follow her and her husband (mainly her) as they adjust to life in the States. Expect Kate to make an appearance in episode 3 possibly leading to me making an appearance on the show during sweeps week.

  • Pedro

    I just like that David Beckham and a Disney-founded team called the Ducks about to win the Stanley Cup get mentioned in the same paragraph, and it’s Beckham’s bank account that gets compared to Scrooge’s Money Bin.

    “I may write about A-Rod a lot (just like I write about how the Balloo independent cargo plane businesses in the South Pacific is continually beset by sky pirates), but this week, he’s really in a Tale Spin!”

  • BedelBlitz

    Also, the real reason for Beckham not getting selected to the English team: he has lost a step. The same reason why the Premier League teams won’t pay him on the same tier as the other top-level players. The man is 32 – past the prime of soccer players.

  • Serpico

    Agreed with Bedel. Becks can still shoot with the best of them but can’t get separation in the Premier League anymore.

  • angryed

    Sure, he is getting old, but Beckham just got a couple of assists for England. I guess he can still play a little at least.

    go futbol go!

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