PAAAAPELBONNNNNNNNN

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The big news of today was that Jonathan Papelbon will be the Red Sox’s closer for the upcoming season. I am two minds of this, as I’ve been wanting to see him start regularly since he was first called up, but at the same time I definitely didn’t want to see Tavarez close out most of our games. Pick fights with Devil Rays, maybe, but not hold off tiny leads. I suppose I’ll have to deal with the idea of him as our fifth starter, which I guess is better in that he will be responsible for my stress every fifth day instead of every other day or so.

I took some pictures outside of Fenway Park this afternoon. By some I mean only three, as my memory card was already nearly full from a wedding I had attended the weekend previous. It didn’t really matter too much as Fenway is fugly right now as the snow has just started to melt and there’s a lot of construction everywhere. I suppose I could’ve taken pictures of the soon-to-be-opened Popeye’s, a chain I only recently learned that most New Englanders are not familiar with. The place is awesome, and they make KFC look like a fucking Whole Foods. I used to hit that place after high school and get their heart-stopping biscuits with my friend Spencer, who last I checked was a piano bar singer in Bethesda.

Anyway, the lack of substantive content is due to the fact that my league’s fantasy baseball draft is this Saturday. I am adrift in a sea of VLOOKUP and RANK Excel functions. I’ll let you know how it all broke down on Sunday.

Manny Grilling Manny

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Manny Grilling

Manny Ramirez is just a regular dude who likes to buy $4000 grills and cook up a few burgers and dogs. But it turns out that Manny is too busy hitting homeruns and taking leaks in the green monster to use his grill more than once. So, we cut to Tuesday, when Manny decided to sell his grill on eBay (along with an autographed ball, because he’s Manny being Manny, and what the hell). Cool, someone gets a grill and a ball and Manny has room for another car in the garage.

Too bad the story doesn’t end there. (Notice I don’t link to the auction?) Some of the stupid fucks who thrive on ebay (no, not PayPal) bid the auction up to $99,999,999.99. Now all you can get are stupid “Manny’s Grill” t-shirts.

So this year, Manny, you get one free stupid mistake/comment. I won’t hold it against you (I’ll hold it against the stupid shits on eBay) and I won’t say anything bad about you. Once your second stupid mistake/comment happens though, it’s open season.

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