[Business Day One] A Wizard’s Guide To Sports
Steelers-Cardinals was boring. Sure, Big Ben Roflcopter led a blistering two minute drive down the field to score the go-ahead touchdown with under 60 seconds to play. Sure, the Santonio Holmes catch was impossibly athletic, and could only be performed by about 50 people in the world. But, well, Roflcopter always leads those drives and Holmes always makes those catches. And the game ended just as Vegas predicted – a close Pittsburgh victory.
UFC 94 was boring. The main event (St. Pierre vs. Penn 2) involved the Canadian ruthlessly pounding the confused and exhausted American for four rounds before the fight was called.
The sporting highlight of my weekend was neither of these things. It was, instead, my first viewing of Wisest Wizard, the greatest nerd-related drinking game I’ve ever seen. Here’s how it works: Every time you finish a beer (or a diet A&W root beer, in my case), you duct tape a fresh beer to the top of it. Eventually, you create a mighty wizard staff of beer cans and duct tape. Every third or fourth can, you fight a “boss battle,” which involves taking a shot. ??? ???? And that’s it. That’s the game.
The peripherals of this hobby are splendid. You can discuss which powers you gain as you increase in level (“I just learned the Stumble spell” or “Dude, you just discovered Summon Lo Mein Fart.”) Walking around with an aluminum staff is ridiculous, as they are more durable than you think they’d be. Wisest Wizard works at any sporting event that could use a little extra spice on it. Like, say, a lackluster SuperBowl or Ultimate Fighting event. ???? ?????? ??? Seriously. As a nerd, you owe it to yourself to pick this up. ???? ????? ??? ????