I walked from Roberto Clemente Field to Central Square yesterday at around 5 o’clock.  Thousands in red were leaving the city, taking Comm. Ave, Mass. Ave, Storrow or the Red Line.  Thousands in green were entering the city, taking Mem. Drive, Cambridge Street or the B, C, and D Lines.  The day shift was done and the night shift was beginning.  Not a bad day to be wandering the town after a kickball game.

Anyway, I’ve decided to help all of the Suddenly Celtics or Look At Them Lakers fans with today’s post.  Many of you, particularly those wearing the fresh-off-the-hanger Kevin Garnett jersies, have not been following the sport of basketball long enough to be able to offer pointed commentary during the Finals.  Do not worry, friends, because thanks to the power of the pun, you can save face in front of more die-hard fans.  Whenever a player does something well, just look up his name on the handy chart below and say the phrase next to it!

If You’re A Celtics Fan
Ray Allen – “His shooting hand is so hot they should call him ‘Heat Ray.'”
P.J. Brown – “What can ‘Brown’ do for us?  Give us quality minutes off the bench!”
Kevin Garnett – “He’s certainly a KG (cagey, nyuk nyuk nyuk) guy on defense.”
Eddie House – “He’s a brick, bah na na na, Eddie House!”
Kendrick Perkins – “I took this job for the Perk-ins!”
Paul Pierce – “He knows how to Pierce the opponent’s zone defense!”
James Posey – “Posey’s really come into bloom in the second half.”
Leon Powe – “You’ve just been ‘Powe’ned!”
Rajon Rondo – “In life, you’re either a Rondo or a Rondon’t.”

If You’re A Lakers Fan
Kobe Bryant – “Beefy!”
Jordan Farmar – “If he penetrates off the dribble, he’ll really go Far…mar.”
Derek Fisher – “Truly, he is the Fisher King.”
Pau Gasol – “He’s no Pau man’s Gasol!”
Chris Mihm – “Mihm’s the word!”
Lamar Odom – “He’s Def and Odom!”
Vladimir Radmanovic – (if you have a friend named ‘Vic) “Vladimir is Rad, man.  Oh, Vic, can you pass the chips?”
Ronnie Turiaf – “No wonder he runs so fast.  He’s playing on Turiaf.”
Sasha Vujacic – “That play was cic.”
Luke Walton – “What cool hands on that Luke!”
 

Feels dirty, right?  Well, bandwagoners, you should feel dirty!

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  • Copyright these before Chris Berman gets a hand on them.

  • Except that I’m pretty sure that the “cic” in Vujacic is pronounced “chich”

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