[Business Day One] Resolutions

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Happy 2008, team.  We here at Nerds On Sports hope your New Year’s Eve parties were exciting, your college football bowl season was fruitful and your hangover has finally crept out from behind your eyes.

I was at my gym this morning and, as expected, saw a couple of new faces (and the attached bodies) on the treadmills.  “Oh New Years,” I thought to myself as I hopped up on my usual elliptical machine, “you make fitness fun again.”  I stole a couple of glances at a pair of the Resolution Runners (feel free to use the term) and did some quick figuring in my head.  The folks that were slogging along at the gym at 7:45 a.m. on this cool Boston morning likely already had memberships and were simply renewing their vows to their cardio routines.  The real My Plan Is To Join A Gym And Lose Thirty Pounds crowd shows up in the first full week of the year.  Generally, that crowd spends a couple of days gorging and then takes a weekend tour of the facility, picks up some new running shorts and gets gung ho on that following Monday.

This bout of early morning thinking made me realize that I don’t really have any New Year’s Resolutions to make.  I go to my gym as much as I need to, eat three square a day and write for a sports blog.  That’s about as perfect as my life is going to get.  So since I have some time on my hands that would’ve been otherwise earmarked for my own resolutions, I’m going to do the Sports World a solid and contract myself out to make some 2008 Resolutions for others.  You all can thank me later:

Bill Belichick – Continue to find ways to feed Humble Pie to an undefeated team.

Rich Rodriguez – Bring West Virginia’s style of furniture burning football enthusiasm to Michigan’s Big House.

Isiah Thomas – Do not speak to, touch or be photographed by the media, the Knicks fan base, active players, retired players, the commissioner’s office or women.

Hank Steinbrenner – Find new and innovative methods of blatantly going back on word.  And update Jennifer Love Hewitt fanblog.

Kobe Bryant – Shut up and play until traded.

Sidney Crosby – Retire and become the next great NHL League President.

Tim Duncan – Continue NBA’s longest active Avoiding Media Attention of Any Kind streak.

Miroslav Satan, TJ Houshmanzada, Mack Strong, Chauncy Billups – Keep amazing names.

Joe Girardi – Do not screw up.  Dear God, do not screw up.  They’ll kill you if you screw up.  And then they’ll bury your bones where no one will find them.

John David Booty – Continue post-graduate studies and become Dr. Booty.

Tom Brady – Stay hunky.

Charles Barkley – Hit the gym and return to playing weight of 580 pounds.

Nerds On Sports Readers – Stay happy, stay healthy, and enjoy a year of good sports.