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August 23, 2007

[Business Day One] Special Report: The Call to Snark

Filed under: Baseball,Business Day One — Tags: , , , — Serpico @ 9:54 am

When the Texas Rangers hang 30 runs on the Baltimore Orioles pitching staff, it gives cause for the powers that be at Nerds on Sports to defrost me a few days early.  I’m sure most of the country wanted something like this to happen to the Yankees, but the O’s really are a fantastic team to suffer through a three touchdowns and three field goals shellacking.  Over the past ten seasons (including this one), they’ve been the model of consistency – 4th Place in the AL East nine times, and third place once.  You could set a horrendously made watch to that kind of consistency.  That, coupled with their “one good pitcher and Brian Roberts” team building strategy truly make for the perfect storm.  You know, the kind of storm that rains RBIs.

This is still fresh in everyone’s brains, so I need to snark on this as heavily as possible.  For sake of easy browsing, I have broken my snarks into quick-reference categories:

Making Fun of Baltimore Itself

-The last time I saw a beating this bad was when I watched the bonus features on the Stop Snitchin’ DVD I picked up in Bolton Hill.

-The Rangers then moved on and bombed Fort McHenry.  They took down the flag.  They didn’t want it waving anymore.

-Baltimore is now paying local and property taxes to the Texas government.

Talking About It Like It Was a Football Game

-Geez, the Texans really took the Ravens to task.  I thought their defense was supposed to be good this year… wait.  It was baseball?  What?

-Well, at least we got to see the O’s new punter.

-Looks like Matt Schaub is really picking up that offense quick.

Insulting the Orioles as a Team and a Business

-The Orioles made SportsCenter last night!  Yes!

-The crowd of predominantly Sox and Yankees fans was surprisingly quiet through the game.

-It’s the Curse of Palmiero!

-I didn’t know Baltimore still had a baseball team.  Aren’t they the Nationals now?

-I think the “Bring Back Perlozzo” movement just gained some momentum.

  • Tom D.

    You forgot the Boston favorite: make everything about the Yankees!

    “Too bad A-Rod’s not there any more, ’cause he would have hit five home runs in that game… after the Rangers were already up 20.”

  • Sean

    Peter Angelos was complaining after the game that the fans didn’t pay enough money to see a game with 33 combined runs. He said that the Rangers should have alerted him before the game rather than submit a display of such frivolous mirthmaking.

  • Just to rub it in, they even gave Littleton a save. In a 27-run game, there was a save.

  • BedelBlitz

    An old-fashioned save (pitching the last three innings to get a win)
    I love it.

    By the way, I have the over/under of number of games the Ravens score more than 30 points this year at 3.5.

    I’ve got the under.

  • BedelBlitz

    Also, this type of save is uncommon, but not this week.
    An Angels pitcher (Gwyn – the major league player most likely to have had mystical elves name him) got the save in the Angels 18-9 beat down of the Yankees.
    He gave up four runs in three innings for the save.

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