[Business Day One] Special Report: The Call to Snark


When the Texas Rangers hang 30 runs on the Baltimore Orioles pitching staff, it gives cause for the powers that be at Nerds on Sports to defrost me a few days early.  I’m sure most of the country wanted something like this to happen to the Yankees, but the O’s really are a fantastic team to suffer through a three touchdowns and three field goals shellacking.  Over the past ten seasons (including this one), they’ve been the model of consistency – 4th Place in the AL East nine times, and third place once.  You could set a horrendously made watch to that kind of consistency.  That, coupled with their “one good pitcher and Brian Roberts” team building strategy truly make for the perfect storm.  You know, the kind of storm that rains RBIs.

This is still fresh in everyone’s brains, so I need to snark on this as heavily as possible.  For sake of easy browsing, I have broken my snarks into quick-reference categories:

Making Fun of Baltimore Itself

-The last time I saw a beating this bad was when I watched the bonus features on the Stop Snitchin’ DVD I picked up in Bolton Hill.

-The Rangers then moved on and bombed Fort McHenry.  They took down the flag.  They didn’t want it waving anymore. ????? ???

-Baltimore is now paying local and property taxes to the Texas government.

Talking About It Like It Was a Football Game

-Geez, the Texans really took the Ravens to task.  I thought their defense was supposed to be good this year… wait.  It was baseball?  What?

-Well, at least we got to see the O’s new punter.

-Looks like Matt Schaub is really picking up that offense quick.

Insulting the Orioles as a Team and a Business

-The Orioles made SportsCenter last night!  Yes!

-The crowd of predominantly Sox and Yankees fans was surprisingly quiet through the game. ???????? ??? ?????????

-It’s the Curse of Palmiero! ?????? ??? ????

-I didn’t know Baltimore still had a baseball team.  Aren’t they the Nationals now?

-I think the “Bring Back Perlozzo” movement just gained some momentum.