Category: Other Sports

Nothing but Netball

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One of Nerds on Sports’ loyal readers has challenged us!

Katharine wrote:
I challenge you to cover or at least mention the world netball championships
which are about to start in New Zealand. NB. There is a USA team taking part.

Not being familiar with netball, I had to do some research. ??????? The days are long gone that I could grow up learning about sport, proving a solitary common shared interest with more than one other member of the family. ????? ?????? ??? ??? ????? Nowadays, new interests in previously unfollowed sports is based upon three criteria:

  • How fun the game is to play
  • How fun the game is to watch
  • How attractive the top quintile of professional players are

It is with this in mind that I began my research, i.e., typed “netball” into Wikipedia.

Netball is a non contact sport similar to, and derived from, basketball. It is usually known as a girls’ sport. It is typically played on a rectangular court, and you can search for netball court contractors near me to maintain these courts.

So already, #3 has nothing to do with me. ????? ??????? ??? ??? Not a good sign. My well below median height suggests that I would not enjoy playing the game, nor are there any handball courts in the immediate vicinity, so #1 is pretty much out too. Number 2 is tricky, though. I’m generally not a fan of basketball, but the game sounds different enough that it could be interesting. So let’s see what YouTube can dig up in terms of netball matches.

Lessee…pavement…pavement…quick cut to nothing in particular…pavement…turning away from the actual action…what is this, a sport or an Andy Warhol film?
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Catching Up With The Home Teams – Boston Edition

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The Zakim BridgeI titled this post as “Boston edition,” but it’s not like there’s going to be another edition. I live in Boston and root for Boston teams. Then again, there is always the hope that someone else here will be a fan of another team and write a competing entry.

New England Patriots
Hey, the team is still undefeated. And peoples around the blogosahedron are waiting to watch the Patriots again when they are 16-0 (Deadspin, Bleacher Report, Blown Coverage, You Been Blinded, ArmchairGM). Now we can add Nerds on Sports to that list becaus: New England Patriots: 16-0 (18-0 if you count postseason).

So, it looks like the Patriots-Colts Pumped Soundgate Noisegate The Skipping Crowd Conspiracies Speakergate was just an issue with the broadcast. But, as a Patriots fan, I can’t believe that this is the truth until I get a bit more closure on the situation. I want a team of investigative reporters to sneak into the RCA Dome and set up some noise meters (like you would find at a terrible talent show to measure who the winner is) and record during games. If that doesn’t work, perhaps some sort of non-football competition between Manning and Brady. Maybe something involving being sexy and making shitloads of commercials. ???? ??????? My money is on Manning – Brady may out sexy him, but Peyton’s commercial making prowess is impressive. Read More

“Car 54, Where Are You?”

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He’s back at it again. To be sure, he never stopped. Jonathan Lee Riches, the “Litigator Crusader,” f/k/a “the White Suge Knight,” d/b/a “Secured Party” will not be denied:

Plaintiff compels this court to issue an injunction against Jeff Gordon and stop him from: Sticking my head in his exhaust pipe, wife swapping with Jimmie Johnson, picking on kids with big wheels and go carts, driving off without paying at Sunoco stations.

I’m pretty sure this is just becoming how he reacts to something he’s not happy about in the Williamsburg Federal Correctional Institution. Somebody’s watching TV and the volume’s too high? Sue the TV set. Awoken by a tire screech? Sue Jeff Gordon. Riches is (perhaps I’m overreaching here) fairly smart about it, however; he keeps changing venue, thus potentially avoiding some sanctions, not pissing off the same clerk twice, and diversifying the pool of courtroom beat reporters who might pick him up for the mainstream press.

It seems to me that this suit was, measured from filing, the fastest to hit a major media outlet. When I want press, I’ll talk about NASCAR. But I’m gonna try to avoid being “baseless, fantastic and delusional.”

Obscure Sports (Quarterly? Annual? Whenever?)

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And now, selected news from the ‘lesser’ sports!

WOMEN’S LACROSSE!

US U-19 Team threepeats as World Champs! Too bad Mike Nifong wasn’t around to give them some publicity. Lacrosse will hit the popular media only once more, but by then it will be too late.

BOWLING!

New Sponsor for the PBA! Bowling’s not obscure, per se, but its prominence in the firmament of broadcast sporting events seems to have been compromised. Used to be bowling was on all the time, on the ABC or the CBS networkBowler or Koechner; I would see balding men in neatly pressed pants hurl weighty objects every time Grandpa dozed back off during ‘Muppet Babies,’ because I couldn’t muster the strength to turn that gigantic atomic-age channel selector wheel, and thank the good Lord he at least finished chewing the donut this time. Anyway, bowling had a certain I don’t know what in French back then, with national TV coverage, kids having birthday parties at the local lanes (Joey, I know, it’s cool, my invite was lost in the mail) and the widespread availability of Carling Black Label and Schaefer, the beer of choice for guys who bowl and/or look like David Koechner.

Anyway, this article’s pretty upsetting, because the PBA is really, really excited about a sponsorship deal from CLR. You know, that stuff that you’re supposed to put in a comically oversized lab beaker and drown your shower head in, and then they expect you to use it to shower again, even though there’s obviously now a tremendous amount of patently toxic chemicals in every last drop coming out of that… that awful thing, and damn it we have to move again, don’t we. It was like this in Topeka, it was like this in Nashville. You need treatment.

SECRET HAVING!

PostSecret:
Arandano
Man, is that tragic. The deceased probably had to get all her Mexican antioxidant goodness from el jugo de pomegranate.

HIGH SCHOOL WRESTLING! SPECIFICALLY, 96 LB FINAL MATCH AT THE NEW YORK STATE DIVISION 2 WRESTLING CHAMPIONSHIP!

This lengthy YouTube clip–well the part where the kid’s face is being pressed into the ground– is pretty much how I remember high school gym class, but, 96 pounds at age 14? These guys are huge! Seriously, what a pair of fatties! Also, they apparently are very interested in having their heads in each others’ asses. Don’t bother watching beyond the first minute unless you’re one of these kids’ mothers (and if you are, might be a good idea to spring for some better youth wrestling shoes).

(Spoileralert: the kid in blue wins, both are then aggressively wedgied by the guys in the 160 pound division.)

(Last bit: There is an adult-spam comment on the YouTube page; this creeps me out.)

CATS WANTING THINGS!
128298497698595000dontfartpleez.jpg

When You’re a Nerd, Chess is a Sport

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Alexandra KosteniukMost regular people couldn’t name more than 1 or 2 chess grandmasters. ??? ???? ????? Those 2 being Bobby Fischer and Gary Kasparov due to their fame in a movie or playing chess against a computer (or political careers).  But what I have recently discovered is a female grandmaster (She was the tenth female of the 11 that have so far attained this rank – Making her borg name 10 of 11.) – a hot Russian female nerd/grandmaster.

Alexandra Kosteniuk has been teaching me to improve my chess skills through the problems presented in her video podcast: Chess Killer Tips. Now, I don’t play chess often or very well, but it doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy a good tactical challenge now and again. For those times, I turn to chess puzzles. ?????? ???? ???? ??? Even when watching the “easy” video podcast puzzles, sometimes I still have to go back and watch the answer a second time.

And now for the best part: Pictures. ??????? ??? ?????

Alexandra Kosteniuk 4 Alexandra Kosteniuk 3 Alexandra Kosteniuk 2 Alexandra Kosteniuk and the magical sticking chess pieces

Also check out this story about her in Penthouse last year.

Chess talk over, now lets watch some football!

The Mild World of Sports

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Here is a list of Popular Sports and their Improvised Indoor Equivalents:

Sport: Football

Equivalent: Paper Field Goals

Paper FootballSetup: Fold a piece of 8.5 x 11 paper in half so it’s long and skinny. Fold it in half again the same way. Now triangle it up like you’re folding an American flag. The resulting wad should be a very compact little triangle. If you don’t know how to fold an American flag, join the Boy Scouts and suffer like the rest of us did.

Rules: One guy holds his hands up, palms out, and touches the tips of his thumbs together. The other guy tries to flick the paper football through the open space in his hands, like a field goal kick.

Accuracy: This game omits every aspect of traditional football – running, passing, blocking, tackling, play-calling – except kicking field goals. As such, it’s a remarkably faithful imitation of a Ravens / Colts game, but otherwise not very close.

# # #

Sport: Basketball

Equivalent: Trashcan Basketball

Setup: You need a trashcan and anything that can be held in one hand. This can be a crumpled up piece of paper, a crushed soda can, a ball of rubber bands, a stress ball, anything.

Not strictly necessaryRules: One player attempts to throw the projectile into the trashcan. The other player plays defense. If played in an office, the players may confine themselves to wheeled office chairs for an added challenge.

Accuracy: Remarkably close. What the game loses in scoring and fouls, it more than makes up for in the volume of trash-talking.

# # #

Sport: Hockey

Equivalent: Coin Hockey

Setup: Three coins of equal denomination and a long smooth surface, like a conference table.

Rules: Put the three coins together like a triangle. Tap the coin closest to you very firmly. The force will be transferred to the other two coins, causing them to scatter.

Real hockeyYou then work this trio of coins up the table by sliding one of them between the other two. The moving coin can’t touch either of the stationary coins and it can’t fall off the table, or play changes hands.

If the coins get to the end of the table, shoot them through a goal made by the other player’s hands.

Accuracy: Notional. There’s a goal and you slide a flat object through it. It barely has any correspondence with the game of the same name. I mean, come on. It’s like people don’t even watch hockey anymore.

# # #

Sport: Baseball

Equivalent: Home Run Derby

Setup: A small object (same size as Trashcan Basketball) and a long, flat object. A binder full of procedures, a cafeteria tray or a textbook will work just fine.

Rules: One player throws the object. The other player swings his “bat” at the object and sends it as far as he can. He then imitates his favorite announcer’s method of describing a home run.

Accuracy: Most people don’t even keep score.

# # #

Sport: Mixed Martial Arts

Equivalent: You Wanna Go?

Setup: Two guys in a hallway, conference room or classroom.

He wants to goRules: After a mock insult is exchanged between the players, they bump chests, throw their arms up into the air, and taunt each other with some variety of, “You wanna go? You wanna throw down, cupcake? You gonna back up that tough talk? What? What you looking at? What?” This continues until one or both players back down, saying some equivalent of “That’s what I thought” or “Yeah, you just wait.”

Accuracy: Close enough.

Happy Fourth of July

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Girl at soccer game showing boobs and backwards flagIt’s the Fourth of July and we all know what that means: fireworks and competitive eating. Today is the highly anticipated match-up of Takeru Kobayashi and Joey Chestnut. ???? ???? ?????? Why is this anticipated? Well, you might know that Kobayashi has won every year since his first contest in 2000 (in 2000 he set a record of 50 dogs, the previous record was 28). Kobayashi has during his 6 year run at the top upped the record for delicious Nathan’s Hot Dogs eaten in 12 minutes to 53.75. That brings us to the challenger, Joey Chestnut. Chestnut is a competitive eater who eats everything. He has world records in waffles, grilled cheese, pork ribs, pulled pork, wings, and asparagus to name a few.

Triplets wearing only American flag body paint - Only in AmericaWhat makes this a great match-up is that in a preliminary round for this years contest, Chestnut broke the hot dog record. The new world record is 59.5 dogs. That’s almost 6 dogs more that Kobayashi. So that is what you can look forward to today for shoving hot dogs into mouths. casino arab Kobayashi weighed in Tuesday at 154 pounds; Chestnut at 215 pounds.

You can also fill your day with baseball (which starts early with Cubs v. Nationals game at 11:00am), fireworks, and beer – just as Washington and Jefferson would have wanted. Also when you’re eating hot dogs and watching the game, count the number of hot dogs you ate during the whole day and imagine eating them all during what amounts to one half-inning of baseball. ????? ??? ????

A hot dogI’m hungry just thinking about all this food, so enjoy your holiday and eat some hot dogs.

C’mon, Feel the (30-) Love

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As you, our beloved readers, have noted, there are distinct biases here at NoS. The staff is east-coast based, and we seem to talk an awful lot about baseball. So I’m taking this opportunity to switch it up and talk about tennis. Well, tennis and the internets.

I. Creepy Youtube Coverage Of Male Tennis Players

He'd be dreamy if he wasn't gruntingRafael Nadal is an outstanding tennis player, especially on clay, which is evidently not just for making crappy ashtrays. He’s also a pretty well-spoken guy/part-time theologian, it would seem from this ESPN piece:

“I would like to believe there is a God, but I think it is better to say I’m not sure there is a God and live your life with kindness and respect for people than to say I know there is a God and then do bad things,” he said.”

But, sadly, there are plenty of people in this world uninterested in Rafa’s eloquence or keen understanding of Pascal’s Wager. There are people who just want to ogle him and his girlfriend, a woman with the positively mythical name of Xisca.

For shame.

Oh, and these people also make pretty creepy Youtube clips. Read More