Category: Football

[Business Day One] Don’t Call It Retirement

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I was browsing the channels yesterday and stumbled upon a commercial for NBC’s Fourth Of July Fireworks Spectacular.  As a resident of Boston, I do not have much interest in staying in and watching a televised party.  Wouldn’t make sense to, what with the Pops playing while barges on the Charles River launch fireworks for all of Eastern Massachusetts to see.  However, my interest was immediately piqued when I saw who was hosting – the not unattractive Natalie Morales, and the New York Giants’ all time leading rusher, Tiki Barber.

“Whoa,” I actually said out loud.  “Good for Tiki.”

Tiki Barber is 32 years old and, if he was still playing, would be entering the phase of his career where commentators begin using phrases like “timeless,” “elder statesman” or “lot of miles on those legs” during the pre-game shows.  Every hit he sustained would give the analysts pause for a half-second longer, to see if the aging running back got gained his last yards.  Retirement questions would begin to pile up, and we’d get to hear Tiki answer them every week in front of the relentless New York media.

But Tiki Barber is not still playing.  Read More

Kiwanuka Update: June 15, 2007

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KiwanukaBased on my irrational love for all things Boston College (I love Flutie Flakes – they just taste better), here is an update for Mathias Kiwanuka, outstanding DE for the Boston College Eagles from 2002-2006.

 This is from ESPN’s Len Pasquerelli here (Insider subscription required):

“Although Mathias Kiwanuka continues to have a few rough spots in his transition, the New York Giants are sticking to their plan to move the defensive end to strongside linebacker for this season.  Read More

Pay No Attention to the Man Behind the Curtain

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Roger GoodellWe are approximately ten months into the Roger Goodell era and arguably the most significant development has been the controversial and often-discussed personal conduct policy for NFL players. (I don’t consider the international expansion of the sport, including the recently aborted China Project and next year’s London Game to be a Goodell decision, but a remnant of Tagliabue’s brilliant reign as commissioner.) My question is whether the policy, in its admitted infancy, has had its intended effect. Read More

Double Secret Probation

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In order to alter the size of the tagcloud to my left, your right, I’d like to talk about a sport that’s not baseball.

pacman.jpgOn Monday, June 4, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell handed down a series of suspensions for off-field misbehavior:

  • Tank Johnson, DT, Chicago Bears: for violating probation with misdemeanor firearms possession: eight games
  • Chris Henry, WR, Cincinnati Bengals: driving with a suspended license, supplying alcohol to minors: eight games
  • Adam ‘Pacman’ Jones, cornerback, Tennessee Titans: aggravated assault, inciting violence, travelling with gun-toting felons: one season

All three are appealing the suspensions.I don’t feel the least bit of remorse for either of these three. All of them are repeated delinquents: Pacman Jones has been arrested five times in two years, Henry a mere 4 times in fourteen months, and Johnson was already on probation for a firearms charge nine months earlier. Criminal charges clearly haven’t been sufficient, especially since these guys earn enough money to defend themselves out of anything short of assaulting a federal officer with rolled-up stolen missile plans.

sig229ba.jpgI have no sympathy for their plight, but I do understand how they ended up where they did. Each of these young men were earning more money in a month than I earn in a year. Tank Johnson’s suspension, for instance, is estimated to cost him $255,000, which works out to $42,500 per unregistered firearm (and you thought your hobby was expensive). College athletes at universities with strong football programs already live the life of Achilles – and that’s when they’re (technically) not allowed to be paid for their work (ha ha, wink wink). Throw $1,212,000 at me within my first two years out of college and some of it just might end up on a stage in a Vegas stripclub.
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[Business Day One] Harmful If Swallowed

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Magic the Gathering Poison PillThe National Football League is a marvel in it’s operation. Profit sharing, a tradition of competent business leadership, a dedication to embracing new technology, and a heavily buttressed construct of free agency and union-ownership relations have created a magnificent machine. It is designed to make money, continually expand the fan base and put the best possible product on the field. I love it as both a sports geek and a business geek.

With any great and complicated system, from the NFL to Starcraft, there are exploits. Little wrinkles within the rules that allow for someone to cheat within the confines of the code. It’s like loading 4 Revised Edition Millstones into your Magic: The Gathering deck and grinding away your opponents’ card count until he (or she… in theory) loses by default. Nothing wrong with it, legally, but certainly a “slap your forehead for being a victim to it” move. These exploits are cruel and unfortunate when you are on the wrong end, but absolutely hilarious to watch. Particularly when they are done without apology.

In the NFL, my absolute favorite hack is something called The Poison Pill. It is a delightful little fold that can allow a franchise to pick up a restricted free agent by making his current team unable to match the contract. Allow me to explain how it works.

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Revising the Passer Rating

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I have a mission for you: revise the QB rating.

The QB rating (technically called the “passer rating,” as that’s all it’s meant to evaluate) is an arcane formula devised when the NFL and the AFL merged in order to standardize statistics. Rather than compare quarterbacks to each other – which provided no metric for season-to-season growth, statistician Don Smith devised a way to measure their progress objectively.

The problem is that (A) it’s not very objective and (B) it’s cryptic.

(A) The rating system is great, in theory. Take the four key areas of a passer’s performance: completion percentage, yards gained per pass, number of touchdowns and number of interceptions. ???? ????? ?? ???????? Normalize them against some industry-standard benchmarks (50% pass completion, 55 interceptions per 1000 passes, etc). Total these numbers and voila.

Peyton Manning wishes he had the talent of Drew BreesThe problem is, those benchmarks were set in 1971 and have not been revised since. The “yards per pass” metric, which figures an average of 7, punishes QBs whose coaches use the fire-and-forget “West Coast Offense.” Is a 5.5% interception percentage still average? Look at the numbers yourself and tell me: as of the end of the 2006 season, Dallas’s Tony Romo and the Saints’ Drew Brees led the league in passer rating (89.6, 88.3, respectively), while those jackasses Tom brady and Peyton Manning couldn’t even crack the top 5.

(Cold Hard Football Facts agrees with me, and has some pictures of Pamela Anderson to boot. No, for serious)

(B) In order to normalize against those aforementioned benchmarks, you have to go through some weird hoops. Nothing terribly complicated – just lots of division.

({[(Comp / Att) x 100 – 30]/20 + [(Yards / Att) – 3 x 0.25] + [(TD / Att) x20] + [2.375 – (INT / Att) x 25]} / 6) x 100

Remember your order of operations and show all work.

There has to be a better way – and this wouldn’t be “Harebrained Schemes Tuesday” if I didn’t come up with one.
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I’m Going to Euro Disney

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“Now that you’ve won the Super Bowl, what are you going to do?”

“I’m going to Euro Disney”

Ok, I don’t think it would go down like that. Actually I don’t think anyone should ever say “I’m going to Euro Disney” and mean it. It’s Euro Disney (Well, renamed to Disneyland Resort Paris) for chrissake. A French journalist wrote:
George Bush With Mouse Ears

…a horror made of cardboard, plastic and appalling colors, a construction of hardened chewing gum and idiotic folklore taken straight out of comic books written for obese Americans.

Disney may not have a good name in Europe, but the people, the obese Americans, at the National Football League do. (Have you seen an offensive line recently? They have average weights above 300 lbs.) Or so the NFL would have us believe they have a good name. They are in some preliminary investigations with Europe… I picture this as a noir style investigation (also it’s Tagliabue not Goodell doing the investigation in my mind because I think “P.I. P. Tagliabue” would look better on the frosted glass window to a Private Investigator’s office.): Read More

Ravens Draft Day Roundup

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One of the virtues of being in the thirties when it comes to draft day is that hey, you’re there for a reason. You’ve got shit figured out. Take it easy. Now’s the time to start making long-term investments that’ll pay off in a year or two, rather than hurrying sandbags into a collapsing levee.

So I’m going to talk about my Ravens.

1st round: Ben Grubbs, right guard, Auburn. One of the most liked linemen coming into the draft. The combine is full of those non-specific but enthusiastic notes that, were this baseball, would make Billy Beane tip over a lat press machine. “Explodes off the line” … “non-stop motor” … “mauler with a mean streak.”

Go You TigersOn the other hand, it’s tough to quote impressive figures about a guard, so I understand the ambiguity. So here’s one impressive stat: Ben Grubbs never missed a game in college. This speaks of good health and, more importantly (on a team which still starts Jamal “Probation” Lewis and Ray “Obstruction of Justice” Lewis), good behavior.

3rd round: Yamon Figurs, wide receiver, Kansas State. The Ravens probably didn’t draft Figurs to catch passes, which is no doubt making the Texans pull their hair out. Say what you will about his hands – Figurs posted the fastest speed at the combine this year, and he ran back more than five fields’ worth of punts, twice for touchdowns. Pair him up with the like of B.J. Sams and the Ravens could once again have a punt return unit that puts points on the board. Read More