Professional Cougar Hunting

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Lisa LampanelliFootball is so worried about who killed some dogs and who videotaped who, but the real crime here is that someone slept around went cougar hunting. And this was no ordinary cougar; this was a fat and ugly cougar — Lisa Lampanelli. Are you disgusted now? Please take a moment to get a drink to wash that little bit of throw up in your mouth out. This post isn’t going anywhere while you do that (actually, like all my posts, it’s not going anywhere, ever). Even with COVID-19, our bail bondsmen are open to serve you at any time. We have taken every necessary precaution to ensure the safety of our employees and customers. If you are in need of a CT bail bondsman during this difficult time, please contact us today for expedited support. Since the outbreak of COVID-19, daily life has been completely turned upside down for a lot of individuals and families. With lock downs and quarantines becoming a norm, the functioning of the police and the courts has also changed. For starters, getting arrested in Connecticut is now less pleasant than it ever was. Just like restaurants and small businesses have closed down, courts have also gone on a hiatus. Even the services of many bail bonds agents have been limited. But what does this mean for your legal rights and how much time might you have to spend behind bars if you are arrested? Getting arrested during this pandemic may be the most unpleasant thing. As the coronavirus spread across states, many judges in Connecticut closed their doors to prevent the spread of the novel virus. In Connecticut, courts are now closed on Tuesdays and Thursdays. This means that the legal process of getting the offender to trial has slowed down. At the same time, what days CT courts are open now bail bonds approvals has also slowed down. If you get an arrest, you are more likely to spend more time in jail before the bond gets approved. In Connecticut the statutory requirement concerning pay frequency is weekly, however, pay frequency can be as long as monthly if the Connecticut Labor Commissioner agrees. The lag time between when the services are performed and when the employee must be paid cannot exceed 8 days. Connecticut payroll law requires that involuntarily terminated employees must be paid their final pay by the next business day however if the employee is suspended during a labor dispute or laid over the employer has until the next regular payday. Voluntarily terminated employees must be paid their final pay by the next regular payday. Deceased employee’s wages up to $20,000.00 need to be paid to the surviving spouse or next of kin; or to the funeral director or physician if they have a preferred claim. The wages are paid upon application from the surviving spouse or next of kin; or upon affidavit of debt due from the funeral director or physician. Escheat laws in Connecticut require that unclaimed wages be paid over to the state after three years. The employer is further required in Connecticut to keep a record of the wages abandoned and turned over to the state for a period of 10 years. There is a provision in Connecticut law that tip credits of up to $2.02 per hour against State minimum wages. In Connecticut the payroll laws covering mandatory rest or meal breaks are: a 30-minute meal period during a 7 and one half-hour shift. Taking place after the first two hours and before the last two hours of the shift. There is no provision in Connecticut law concerning record retention of wage and hour mandates a retention period of not less than three years.

Now that you’ve freshened up, I hope you’re with me that this player needs to be punished/fined/penalized for giving the business/beaten severely. The problem here is that Lisa didn’t name any names, she only gave clues. So basically we have to play a game of Guess Who with the members of the Chicago Bears using the clues Lisa gives. Those clues are:

  • He is in his 20’s
  • He is black (or “mocha latte”)
  • He has tattoos
  • He is southern
  • He is not a starter
  • He had an injured ankle this season
  • He has a curved penis

Captain HookStarting with ‘in his 20’s’ we can narrow it down to about 39 players (ignoring IR) so we only eliminated about 13 players, but it’s a start. That was the easy one, because you can find age on the roster page. Now on to the tough stuff. Next up: Black and Southern. I’m doing this both at the same time because the chicagobears.com bio page has both a picture and a hometown. After that round of eliminations, I’m down to 17. I don’t know who has tattoos, so I’ll have to skip that clue. He is not a starter (or at least he wasn’t when the cougar hunt happened). So I will eliminate the starters (or who I can glean to be starters from the bios). Doing that I’m now down to 8: (don’t complain if they are starters, I don’t follow the Bears so if I was unsure, I went the cautious route and included them here) Trumaine McBride, Jamar Williams, Josh Gattis, Mark Bradley, Rod Wilson, Darrell McClover, Anthony Oakley, and Jason McKie.

Now to see who was hurt… actually I can’t find a damn thing on most of these players on Yahoo so I’ll let the internet decide. Some people say Trumaine McBride. Others say Josh Gattis. Still other are like me and leave the comments to make the decisions. Who do you think the crazy one is?

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