Nerds on Sports

So the baseball winter meetings are happening right now. There are rumors flying through the air like monkeys from the boobs of a sorceress (Tin Man reference). Rumors about Santana going everywhere — From Boston to Los Angeles or somewhere in New York to playing on the Canadian curling team. Baseball rumors are crazy right now.

Also, why do they call it hot stove? Is it because they are cooking something wacky? Perhaps the GM’s are frying up some delicious prospects to tempt another owner? Ok, so maybe it’s because these trade meetings happen in the winter and you have to gather around a “hot stove” to keep warm for the discussions. But how cold can it be in Nashville? 30 degrees at night — Ok, but how cold can it be in the Gaylord Resort? Yeah, all these older gentlemen are gathering at the Gaylord. Take it as you will.

Now that we’re past the gay stuff, on to the trades and rumors. Read more »

Somehow the Yankees writing falls to me. Who’d've thought?

Big news yesterday – A-Rod opted out of his contract with the Yankees. He gave up $72 million in owed salary, which means the Yankees gave up $21.3 million from the Rangers. George Steinbrenner’s son Hank made clear that no effort would be made to reacquire him.

There’s nothing more bizarre to me than the way New York sports fans and media treated Alex Rodriguez. They routinely savaged the best baseball player in a decade for not being a “clutch hitter” or falling flat in the postseason. They mocked or maligned him for only being “in it for the money,” as opposed to all the other mercenaries with hearts of gold that comprise the Yankees roster. First in the American League in home runs, runs and on-base percentage plus slugging? Screw him.

Scott Boras, A-Rod’s high profile agent, made this announcement midway through Game 4 of the World Series. He notified Brian Cashman by way of a voice mail. The timing of the message – during the final game of a World Series sweep by New York’s closest rival – plus the delivery suggest a cool and bitter parting. So be it.

Here’s the thing: if A-Rod’s after money, he ain’t getting it. The only two teams that can supply the salary he’s accustomed to are the Yankees and the Red Sox (who don’t want him). The Giants can’t. The Phillies can’t. The Cubs can’t. So what does the most hated man in baseball – and how does a man as talented as A-Rod get that appellation – want?

The ring, of course. The one ring to rule them all.
Read more »

Dear New York Yankee Player,

Our hearts go out to you after your untimely defeat in the American League Divisional Series. (If it were up to us, we’d bring DDT back to get rid of those bugs!) We here at the Yankee front office counted on an invincible romp to the 27th world championship, but also made contingency plans as well in the unlikely event of your defeat. (When A-Rod went deep in Game 4 we swear we saw the bases loaded!)

Since many of your leases don’t run out until November 1, the office put together a list of “fun finds” and “attractive attractions” for you during the month. October is the most beautiful time of year in the Big Apple — not that you guys would need to know! (We’re having a parade for you anyway, right in a portion of the Lincoln Tunnel!) So while you lie in bed, waiting for the season to end, here’s a guide to the City That Never Sleeps! Read more »

Bottom of the ninth inning and David Ortiz stood in against Mariano Rivera.  The bases were loaded, there were two outs and the Red Sox were down by 1 against the Yankees.  Fenway was shaking with energy, with waves of noise cascading down from the Faithful on to the field as their Hero cocked his bat against the fireballer.  Could Papi do it again?  Or would the Best Closer In Baseball notch another save in the most enemy of enemy territories?  A Sox win would extend out their lead in the East to five and a half.  A Yankees win would keep the pressue on Boston down a grueling final stretch.  Ramifications of a single at bat, a singular moment in time as watched by millions of fans.  If a scientist were to distill an entire season to get the extract of pure Sport, he would get this.  Mariano winds and delivers…

But alas, I wasn’t watching it.  A diehard Yankee fan in front of a television on a Sunday night five miles from Fenway, and I wasn’t watching it.  In fact, I wasn’t even thinking about it.  I was awake, and in my right mind, but had no interest in the outcome of the game at that moment.  It was only this morning that I realized I don’t know how the game ended.  I turned it off when Pedroia was batting, and so had to check the final score on my cell phone at 8:30 this morning.  It was a stark realization on this windy day.  The team I grew up rooting for was not my biggest sports priority.

It was a pretty jarring thought, and one that I wanted to make my peace with as soon as possible.  Thank goodness I write for a sports blog, eh?  On my commute to my office, I counted all of the sports-related concerns that were on my mind last night that took precedence over my Sox/Yankees interest.  I shuddered when I realized that this relatively important baseball game barely cracked the Top Five.  For sake of healing, I am putting my Top Five here:

1.  Patriots/Chargers Sunday Night Football - Read more »

Major League Baseball’s All-Star Break elicits the same response from me every year.

“Holy crap, the season’s half over?”

Every single summer, without fail, I get completely surprised by the All-Star Break. As with all things I dislike in the world, I blame the media. For the first two months of the season, whenever a sports commentator talks about a team’s momentum or a player’s hitting slump, they always attach the “but it’s still early” rider on the end. Then, for two weeks, sports analysts don’t make reference to how far into the season we are and we as fans just sort of forget. And all of a sudden, we start hearing “coming into the All-Star Break.” What?!?!?! Already?!!?! But the season was still young two weeks ago? Read more »

Given the loss of Darrell Rasner, Phil Hughes, Jeff Karstens and Carl Pavano, and the shaky status of Chien-Ming Wang and Mike Mussina, the New York Yanquis are clearly under a curse of some type.

With the aid of my junior Tarot deck, I’m going to divine the fate of the rest of the Yankees’ roster.

Brian Bruney (#33): Pitches a breaking slider to Mike Lowell. Lowell gets all of it with a fat swing, driving the ball right into Bruney’s chest. A baseball-sized chunk of flesh exits Bruney’s back. Out for nine weeks.

Tyler Clippard (#19): Texting animatedly to Fox News’s online poll to express his rabid support for maverick Republican presidential candidate Ron Paul, he rear-ends a school bus, igniting his car. Out for season.

Matt DeSalvo (#14): Hantavirus. Misses next start.

Kyle Farnsworth (#48): Raises his hand to call over a waiter while “David Cornwell” is being paged at Sapa. Is mistaken for double agent by spies as a result. Kidnapped at gunpoint, interrogated at Westchester County mansion, framed for murder of U.N. delegate, boards train, romances Eve Marie-Saint. Out for four weeks.
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“The Yanks got Clemens today,” my friend Dan mentioned casually as he took a sip of his Pabst Blue Ribbon.

I was watching a replay of a Ryan Howard at bat that was being shown on a TV over my right shoulder. My head jerked back around, and I stared mouth agape at Dan for a moment.

“Dan, if you’re lying to me, I’m going to be very upset with you.”

“No, seriously, they announced it today. During the game.”

It was 10 p.m. on a Sunday night at Bukowski’s Tavern that I learned that Roger Clemens is once again a Yankee. With the news little more than half a day old, it is far too early to consider this one of my “Where Were You When” moments. Ask me again in October and I’ll let you know how significant Dan’s utterance was to my sports fandom. But there’s a lot of time between now and then, and I need to get something on paper while this story is still fresh.

So let’s tackle the Why, the Who Cares, and the So What of these tidings. Read more »

Yankees fans are an interesting breed. Every fanbase has a particular culture, sculpted by everything from the team’s winning (or losing) tradition to the regional cuisine and availability of parking at the stadium. The New York Yankees play in the most culturally and economically influential city in the world, and have been putting a consistently good product on the field for a century. These factors combine to create a team that celebrities, rappers, and even certain breeds of cats think is cool to root for. This unbridled popularity creates a sense of arrogance and entitlement that is despised not only by their neighbors to the north, but by countless small market teams regardless of whether or not those teams even play baseball. And Yankees fans bask in it. They, or should I say ‘we,’ gain power from it. The hate is like our yellow sun. Hearing “Yankees Suck” chants empower us, even in years like this when the team actually does suck.

There is really one single element that caused Yankees fans to become what we’ve become. It’s not the World Series rings or the House That Ruth Built or the location in the world’s capital, though those things certainly set the table for the ‘element’ to dine at. The factor that made us what we are is our owner, George Steinbrenner. The reason why we demand a championship every year and demand instant accountability when we don’t get it is because of that man. He is why his team, and their fans, are hated. That said, I wouldn’t trade him for anything. And other Yankees fans should realize how lucky we are to have him. Read more »