Nerds on Sports

Team, here’s a quick update of the points that may be discussed in your office today. So read these and enjoy your new state of well-informedness.

-Jets QB Mark Sanchez is now sporting a creepy pencil-thin mustache.

-49ers RB Frank Gore hurt himself on his first play of the game, enraging fantasy owners everywhere.

-Brett Favre continues to just go out there and have fun… as he likes to remind us at every opportunity.

-The Titans are now 0-3, which was unexpected.

-There’s a radio commercial that has a chorus singing about Coors Light over the Monday Night Football theme. It’s hilarious.

-The Yankees have clinched the AL East and homefield advantage through the playoffs. Helpful.

-Tom Brady and the Patriots had a good outing against the well-educated Matt Ryan and the Falcons, calming the fans of New England.

-Tiger Woods just won ten million dollars.

Tom Brady recently ran into the 4-legged Tom Brady on the streets of New York City. The 4-legged Tom Brady was a dog, named so by a fan. So I figured I would try and give all my pets athlete names.

First is my pet Emu.

His name is Randy Johnson.

I also have a pet lion, I named him Manny Ramirez. Here’s a picture of him after missing a fly ball:

Of course I don’t let Manny hang out with Randy — No Sox/Yankees violence allowed in my house/zoo. Read more »

Golf is the businessman’s game of choice, because you can relax, drink heavily, and have conversation while still playing and not get sweaty. At least that’s my guess, for I am no businessman. So I will let Tiger Woods and the businesspeoples of the world have their golf because I get my golf delivered in other forms…

First off there is miniature golf. It’s like regular golf if you decided to play regular golf in Holland* at a castle** that was probably previously owned by Dracula trying to defend himself from Mr. Belmont***. I like miniature golf because it doesn’t take nearly as long as regular golf and there’s no slicing into the woods off the tee. Also each hole is usually a surprise and you have to guess which of the 3 holes in the barn will place the ball closest to the cup on the lower level. Also, how many PGA courses have big orange dinosaurs?

For my next crazy golf event, I give you: Underwater Golf. Read more »

Much to my disappointment, Tiger Woods did not capture the victory at the Masters this past weekend. The green jacket went instead to Zach Johnson, a perfectly pleasant-sounding man from Iowa. While I do not begrudge the former Drake Bulldog for outplaying everyone (include Tiger) on the beefy Par 5s of Augusta, I am still upset that the best golfer in the world didn’t take the title.

I root for Tiger Woods, for reasons that are probably a bit selfish. I want to be able to say that I watched the most dominant athlete in the world during his prime. I want the premier sportsman of the decade to be a well-educated man with no criminal record instead of a hard-luck case from Newark, NJ that overcame a murder conviction to be the best strong safety in football. I want to be able to talk about a great golfer while playing golf with other golfers. Selfish justifications, perhaps, but not bad ones.

Read more »