Nerds on Sports Where nerds are talking about sports!

April 15, 2008

The Nerds On Sports March Madness Grand Champion

Filed under: Nerd Tournaments — Tags: , , — Perich @ 1:07 pm

You’ve helped us slug through thirty-two impressive contenders, the best warriors that nerds have to offer. Now it’s down to the final two: BATMAN vs. LUKE SKYWALKER.

First Period

Luke SkywalkerBatman flung a handful of boomerangs, flash grenades and other sharp, distracting implements at Skywalker’s head. Skywalker parried them with his lightsaber and leapt across the court. He swung wildly, but Batman tumbled over his swings and rolled up behind him to kick him in the back.

Skywalker flung Batman against a stanchion with a Force push, then charged him with his saber flurrying. Pinned against the far wall, Batman narrowly avoided decapitation, but the tip of the laser sword shredded his armor from hip to shoulder.

The Dark Knight flipped his cape around to distract the Jedi and vanish. But Skywalker’s attunement with the Force meant that Batman’s stealth wouldn’t avail him. He pretended not to notice Batman hiding in the rafters – until he lashed out suddenly, severing a support pillar with his lightsaber, and knocking Batman off his perch.

Second Period

The Caped Crusader and the Jedi Knight circled each other warily.

This is what the arena looks like right before the home team starting 5 are announced“This is senseless,” Skywalker told him in calm tones. “You can’t possibly defeat me. Surrender now and save yourself the trouble.”

Batman’s response: flinging a bolo with one hand and a tear gas pellet with the other. Skywalker shredded the bolo, but the gas cloud enveloped him in thick white smoke. Batman lingered cautiously outside the cloud, his cape held over his face.

When Skywalker vaulted out of the cloud feet first, kicking Batman in the head, the Dark Knight was caught completely off guard. He sprawled backwards in a heap, fighting to clear his head. Skywalker watched him struggle, standing in the same spot Batman had stood seconds ago.

“Your thoughts betray you,” Skywalker said. “I feel the good in you, the conflict. I know that underneath that mask you’re a decent man.”

Palming the remote in his hand, Batman rolled onto his side. “No, I’m not.”

The micro-mine, lying in the spot where Batman had just been kicked from, beeped between Skywalker’s feet.

“Oh, sh–”

Winner and Grand Champion: BATMAN

BatmanThanks to the over 300 people who cast votes in this year’s tournament. We saw quite a few surprises and some epic matches thanks to your participation. Be sure to tune in for next year’s March Madness tournament, where a whole new roster of nerd icons will duke it out for that prestigious title – the Nerds on Sports March Madness Grand Champion.

April 1, 2008

Nerds on Sports March Madness – Final Four!

You think UNC’s got ups? You think UCLA’s got the defense? Just wait until you see the Nerds on Sports March Madness tournament!

T-1000 vs. Batman

BatmanWhat the T-1000 boasted in strength and adaptability, it lost in speed. The Caped Crusader leapt from rooftop to rooftop to avoid his pursuer. Analyzing a sample of liquid metal with his Batcave computer, he figured out the T-1000’s weakness quicker than Linda Hamilton did, and disabled it with a liquid nitrogen spray.

Winner: BATMAN.

Morpheus vs. Captain James T. Kirk

Captain KirkThe two captains faced off in a garbage-strewn subway. Morpheus’ kung fu was strong, but Kirk kept luring him into situations where he couldn’t unleash his full power (narrow hallways, subway turnstiles, etc). Kirk lost some headway in the early rounds, however, by mistaking the superhumanly strong Morpheus for a robot. “What is love?” he bellowed, trying to trick his opponent’s programming. “What … is the meaning … of life?”

MorpheusBattered and bloodied, Kirk finally tricked Morpheus into severing a phone junction box with a vicious roundhouse kick, cutting off his means of escape. He then wrapped Morpheus up in a headlock and threw him into the path of a train. But Morpheus shocked the crowd by backflipping off the opposite wall just before the train arrived and landing on Kirk’s head with a double knee strike. This was one for the record books – the closest match the Tournament has seen so far.

Winner: MORPHEUS.

Wolverine vs. Optimus Prime

Optimus PrimeThis one went into triple overtime with no clear leader. Optimus Prime kept stepping on Wolverine, but the feisty Canuck couldn’t be kept down. Meanwhile, Wolverine had the cutting power but not the muscle mass to take down a robot ten times his height – despite having no problem with Sentinel robots of similar size.

WolverineFinally, a stroke of good fortune exposed the Autobot Matrix of Leadership to Wolverine’s claws. Optimus fought the remainder of the third overtime period with one hand protecting his chest cavity, giving Wolverine an advantage. As Optimus fell, the Matrix bounced out of his chest and landed in the hands of Judd Nelson.

Winner: WOLVERINE

Luke Skywalker vs. Legolas

Luke SkywalkerA lot of commentators expected this one to go longer than it did. Legolas had some clear advantages in agility and precision, and a thousand years of experience over his young and headstrong Jedi opponent. However, lightsabers can still deflect arrows, whereas the reverse is never true.

Winner: LUKE SKYWALKER

Final Four

This week brings us to the conference championship games, which will determine who faces off in the finals next week. We’ve seen some upsets and some blowouts, but I think we can all agree that these competitors deserve to be here.

Hyrule Conference Championship: Batman vs. Morpheus

Paragon City Conference Championship: Wolverine vs. Luke Skywalker

Log on to our survey to vote for your favorite. We had several matches in this last round come down to just a few votes. Don’t let your favorite get knocked out because you didn’t vote for him!

Voting ends midnight on Sunday, April 6th. Good luck, and see you in the finals!

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