Hot Ortiz ShirtThe Red Sox cable network (NESN) is making a new show (no, not a Cold Pizza spinoff — Warm Beer) called Sox Appeal. It is a reality show slightly based on the core demographic of your channel… it worked for MTV. (Does MTV show any music? I haven’t watched MTV since 2000.) It’s a televised version of speed dating. From the website:

Each episode a single fan (man or woman) is sent on three blind dates over the course of one Red Sox game. Everybody involved better bring their “A” game because each date only lasts two innings. During the seventh inning stretch, our single fan chooses the date he/she wants to continue dating. (And maybe, just MAYBE, they get to experience something at Fenway that most fans would kill for.)

Will our hero win and his choice join him for the rest of the game? Or will he suffer the agony of defeat. Alone. In his single seat.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t think that I would be willing to kill to date someone a second time, but I guess there are some rabid redsox fans. Also, why in the first paragraph did they say “he/she” but in the second paragraph go with his, him, and he?

Female Red Sox FanThey are also asking for your dating stories, love stories, tips & advice, pick-up lines, and other, probably corny, crap to fill the dead time in the show… like when the HERO (that’s what they call the dater) and the DATERS (that’s what the call the datees) are busy watching the game. I hope people send in terrible pick-up lines.

Actually, why hope for other people to do it when I can do it myself? Here are some pick-up lines that I am just creating now:

  • Come here often — because I’ve got season tickets.
  • Your dad must have been Rickey Henderson because he stole a couple “nice bags” and put them on your chest.
  • I’ve fallen for you so bad, I’m going to have to be placed on the DL
  • Babe, I’m a real man. I can go a complete game with extra innings
  • Paplebon may come in in the ninth, but I’d have you come in every inning.
  • In this year’s draft, I’m picking you first round. (Take that Jason Place!)
  • I know you’re guy is losing the game for you. I’m in the bullpen, just give me a call.
  • Nice “upper deck”, the Sox should add some seating there.

Any other lines that might (or preferably, will never) work on a nice lady (or man)?

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  • “C’mon, baby, don’t make me play for the Yankees tonight.”

    “Let’s call your hands ‘bases.’ OK? Now let’s get some bases on balls.”

    “I wanna be your Mookie. Get between your legs.”

    “Remember that time those guys jumped out of the stands and beat the shit out of Tom Gamboa during a Royals-White Sox game? Either way, I wanna have sex with you.”

  • “Girl, I’d like to Grand Slam you.”

    “Are you the reason for the Infield Fly Rule? Because I’ve got pop up”

    or along the lines of Save a horse; ride a cowboy:

    “Save the green line; Ride a Red Sox fan.”

  • Andrew W

    What, no lines using “Pesky Pole”?

  • “Are you Johnny Pesky’s homerun off of Mel Parnell — Because I’d like you wrapped around my foul pole.”

    “My leg is the right field line — and my Pesky Pole is to scale”

  • Serpico

    “I like my women the way I like my Sox tickets. Scalped and on the field.”

    “What say you and me open up a bottle of Caberknuckle and we’ll calculate my VORP (Value Over Replacement Penis).”

  • peiser

    “You know, the Sox are playing Cleveland on this steamy night… that, um, give you any ideas?”

  • “I want to throw it in you like Pedro threw Zimmer on the turf during the ALCS in 2003.”

    “Are you signalling me to steal second base?”

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